Satire by Eric Curl
July 8, 2025 – Savannah’s police department is handing over control of its criminal investigations’ unit to social media commentors in response to their “invaluable” knowledge and “constructive” input concerning recent violence in the city.
“Somehow these digital detectives, some who happen to be elected officials, know with absolute certainty all of the answers immediately after an incident, thereby eliminating the time-consuming practice of examining evidence, interviewing witnesses and identifying suspects,” according to one official behind the change. “Now we can just go to Facebook or Nextdoor and ‘case closed.”
There has been some pushback on the change, mostly concerning a dispute regarding the use of the word “domestic”.
“They were obviously married,” one commenter said. “The city really needs to acknowledge the fact and the mayor really needs to do something about these unhappy couples.”
So far, city officials have only been describing the incident as “marriage affiliated,” but the new policy will reflect the terms most “liked” online.
Related – Guns or gangs: What’s Savannah’s real problem? (The Current)>
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