Satire by Eric Curl
Nov. 28, 2025 – Despite months of rehearsal, local mosher Mike failed once again to punch or kick on the two and four. Instead, he again got stuck on the one and three, confusing his fellow dance-troupe members and repeating the same mistakes from the disastrous Umlaut Fest.
The embarrassment was made worse by the fact that they were showcasing their moves during the Black Tusk show, the beloved, two-decade-strong Savannah-based swamp-metal band making a long-sought return to their home city.
The set at Two Tides Metal Fest was just one of many performances at the Starland event that day. Unfortunately, Mike’s awkward flailing on the dance floor may signal an end to his moshing career. Still, some polka scouts say he shows promise.
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Art by Julia Licht
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