Satire by Eric Curl
Nov. 16, 2025 – While generally opposed to heaping mounds of garbage being piled in their community, residents say they are open to a developer’s recent proposal to open a boutique, “neighborhood-oriented” landfill in the area.
“The garbage will include only high-end trash,” said the developer. “I’m talking top-of-the-line electronics, premium food packaging, luxury fashion accessories and prestige beauty brands – none of that $1-store trash.”
The rubbish will also reportedly be “locally grounded” and laid out in more “human-scaled” heaps that are context sensitive and scented with citrusy fragrances sourced from around the globe.
Residents also praised the expected influx of wildlife the landfill would likely bring, which they anticipated would draw more visitors to support local businesses.
“Sounds like it would essentially resemble a nature preserve,” one supporter explained. “Albeit with mounds of litter and disposable coffee pods instead of bird’s nests and wild grasses.”
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