Satire by Eric Curl
July 5, 2026 — Dozens of four-pawed protestors throughout Savannah are now seeking pawrole after demonstrating loudly against last night’s Fourth of July fireworks show.
The canine rebellion started immediately after the first shell lit the night sky with an accompanying boom, sending the furry factions into a frenzy.
While many witnesses interpreted the howls of opposition as anti-patriotic, the participants insisted this was not the case.
“We just have a problem with loud noises,” said one spokesdog for the group. “It’s a wonder anyone can tolerate them — let alone cheer them on.”
Regardless, the rattled renegades were quickly rounded up and removed from the premises to allow the event to continue unimpeded.
In addition to being charged with unlawful assembly and disorderly conduct, the participants were also blacklisted as communists after investigators uncovered a long history of wealth redistribution — primarily involving sandwiches, dropped hamburgers and unattended snacks.
Authorities also cited the group’s refusal to recognize private property rights after members repeatedly commandeered attendees’ picnic blankets, couches and beds.
For those interested in freeing a member of the local barking bloc, you can go to:
Renegade Paws Rescue | Adopt a Dog Savannah
Humane Society for Greater Savannah
Chatham County Animal Services – Home Page
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