Satire by Eric Curl
May 10, 2026 – After decades of speculation, Stratton Leopold finally revealed the secret ingredient that has been driving customers to wait hours for an ice cream cone at 212 E. Broughton St.
“It’s Hollywood,” Leopold announced on Sunday.
More specifically, Leopold revealed that the source of the intense flavor was actually pulverized film strips from such classics he produced during his stint in Tinsel Town, including Mission Impossible III, The Sum of All Fears, They Live, and The Adventures of Baron Munchausen.
“I could have sworn I tasted a bit of Tom Cruise’s running in my Tutti Frutti,” one pleased customer exlaimed.
Another delighted customer was sure the flavor of their Rum Raisin was comprised of flecks of Affleck.
Leopold explained he wanted the world to know that that they were not only tasting great ice cream, but also truly savoring cinema.
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